bad puns

BAD PUNS

DAD JOKES FINEST SELECTION.

Telling bad puns is like eating doughnuts. They’re horrible, greasy, cheap, make you look bad and think less of yourself. Each one of them takes a few of your IQ points away. Yet, there is always room for one more. And let’s face it, bad puns are so bad that they are oddly satisfying.
Joke On You prepared and proudly presents the not so much ultimate list of Bad Puns. The good news is you don’t have to tell them to actually tell them. Visit our exclusive bad puns boutique right here and gear up with the set of the embarrassing t-shirts.
Or maybe you are the bad puns creation specialist and keep your own “dad joke” bijou in a drawer? Leave it at the comment section below and we will print it out for you. Sounds PUN-tastic, I know.

  • How do you cut ancient Rome in half? With a pair of Caesars.
  • I have many jokes about unemployed people, sadly none of them work.
  • Why doesn’t the Sun go to college? – Because it has a million degrees.
  • Why are orphans bad at poker? They don’t know what a full house is.
  • What was the last thing to run through Osama bin laden mind? Probably a bullet.
  • How do you make any salad into a caesar salad? Stab it twenty-three times.
  • I’ve been looking for my ex-girlfriend’s killer for the past two years. But no one would do it.
  • Why was the guitar teacher arrested? For fingering a minor.
  • Why did Hitler commit suicide? He saw the gas bill.
  • What did the Iceberg say to the Titanic? A: I’d hit that.
  • What’s red and brown and bad for your teeth? A brick.
  • What’s brown and sticky? A stick
  • What’s brown and rhymes with Snoop? Dr. Dre.
  • What’s brown and runny? Usain Bolt.
  • Why did the blind man fall into the well? Because he couldn’t see that well.
  • What’s Mozart up to these days? Decomposing
  • What’s Beethoven’s favorite fruit? Ba na na naaaa
  • How do you find Will Smith in the snow? You follow the fresh prints.
  • What does ET stand for? The national anthem…
  • What does ET stand for? Alien rights.
  • A dyslexic man walks INTO A BRA
  • How do you make an egg roll? You push it.
  • What’s the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman? Snowballs
  • What do you call a deer with no eyes?”NO EYED DEER
  • Where do cows go dancing?A meatball.
  • Why did Adele cross the road? To say hello from the other side.
  • How do you wake up Lady Gaga? Poker face.
  • Knock knock. Who’s there. Dishes. Dishes who. Dishes Sean Connery.
  • What do you call a cheap circumcision? A rip-off.
  • What do you call a person who steals all your toenail clippings? A cliptoemaniac
  • What do you get when you throw a piano down a mineshaft? A flat minor.
  • Why did the stadium get hot? All the fans left.
  • Where does Napolean keep his Armies?. . In his sleevies.
  • Why can’t Stevie Wonder see his friends? Because he’s married
  • Why did the bicycle fall down? Because it was two tired.
  • What kind of bees give milk? boobies
  • What’s a basketball game between two Mexican kids? Just a little game of Juan on Juan.
  • What cheese is not yours? Nacho cheese.
  • What do you call a Mexican who got his car stolen? Carlos
  • What did one plate say to the other?”Dinner’s on me!”

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